Solitude and Fellowship
How does our need for solitude compare to the command to love others?
Verse of the Day
“After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone.”
Matthew 14:23
Today’s Devotional
In my experience, there are two ends of the spectrum with regard to how being with others affects each of us personally. On one end, there is the person that becomes completely drained after having to be around others. On the opposite end of the spectrum, is the person who is fueled and energized by being around people. We each tend to hang out closer to one end of the spectrum or the other.
No matter how it affects you to be around people, there is a benefit to the discipline of solitude. Consider that there is a coin, which has two sides. One side is community and fellowship, the other side is solitude. When we are healthy, we can’t have one side without the other.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer said it this way: “Let him who cannot be alone be aware of community. Let him who is not in community be aware of being alone. Each by itself has profound pitfalls and perils. One who wants fellowship without solitude plunges into the void of words and feelings, and one who seeks solitude without fellowship perishes in the abyss of vanity, self-infatuation, and despair.”
Along those same lines, Richard Foster said, “We must seek out the recreating stillness of solitude if we want to be with others meaningfully. We must seek the fellowship and accountability of others if we want to be alone safely. We must cultivate both if we are to live in obedience.”
Both of those men made very strong statements about the importance of having times of solitude if we want to have meaningful relationships with other people. Why might that be?
I need all the help I can get to love you well. I need all the help I can get to be a good representative of Jesus. I need strength to live a life of faith, and Psalm 23:3 tells me that God renews my strength. It also tells me that God guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His name – which might include how I interact with others. We learned yesterday from the example that Jesus set. He loved people better than anyone who has ever lived, and He often sought out times of solitude.
The best analogy I can come up with is this: I have to spend time with my husband in order to have a good marriage. We have to have two-way conversations. I must listen to hear instead of listening to respond. And when my relationship with my husband is in a good place, all of my other relationships seem to be better as well. But what if during every conversation I have with my husband I am also looking at my phone, have the TV on, there are other people around, I’m trying to get a few chores done, and I’m anxious to move on to the next thing I need to do. That kind of atmosphere would not lead to meaningful conversations and time together, therefore it would not lead to a good, healthy relationship. Our relationship with God is infinitely more important than my relationship with my husband, even though he is my very favorite human. God deserves my undivided attention. God deserves my silence to give Him the opportunity to communicate with me. When I allow that, it makes every other human relationship more manageable. It’s easier to know how to love others well when the Father has reminded me how much He loves me – and I have to be listening to hear that.
Journal Prompts
Answer only the questions that seem relevant to you today.
How does being around other people affect you? Which end of the spectrum are you on?
If you prefer to be alone, how can you engage in community?
If you prefer community, how can you practice being alone?
How do you need God’s help to love others well? What is a specific situation in which you need His help?
How can you practice solitude in order to have meaningful fellowship with others?